


Stop Hitting Yourself

by killerweasel



Category: Good Omens (TV Series)
Genre: F/M, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-15 12:35:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20866325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: Why Gabriel pokes Beelzebub with a single finger at the airfield.





	Stop Hitting Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> They/Them for Beelzebub

Title: Stop Hitting Yourself  
Fandom: Good Omens (TV Series)  
Characters: Beelzebub/Gabriel (eventually)  
Word Count: 230  
Rating: PG-13  
A/N: Before the series  
Summary:  
[Inspired by this image here](https://66.media.tumblr.com/6adce4512de9e2f86b7505835c19d35f/22ddca69a11993a6-4b/s540x810/93c143b926d4d7d8278a47d553490385bbb265aa.gif) aka Gabriel poking Beelzebub with a finger

The Prince of Hell frowned as they watched the Archangel Gabriel go on a rant about something pointless for a few minutes. Gabriel paced back and forth, waving his arms and kicking rocks as he moved. A rock skittered across the ground and bounced up, hitting Beelzebub in the leg.

“Thizzz izzz ridiculous. If you can’t act civilized for five minutes, Gabriel, I’m leaving.”

As they turned away, preparing to sink back through the ground like always, a hand came down on their shoulder. Beelzebub whirled around, claws extended, and proceeded to tear Gabriel’s arm off just like a child plucking the wing from a fly. The Archangel screamed in pain, dropping to his knees as a mix of crimson and gold blood poured from the wound.

“What the fuck, Beelzebub?” Holy energy began to dance across his skin. “How _dare_ you!”

“You do not touch me without permission.” With a smile on their face, Beelzebub began to smack Gabriel in the face with his own arm. “Zzztop hitting yourzzzelf, Gabriel.”

Gabriel slumped over, glaring at Beelzebub as he felt the life drain from his corporation. “You are such an asshole.”

“Takezzz one to know one.”

\---

Decades later, on a trip to the Prince’s office to get bent over a table and called filthy things, Gabriel spotted his arm totally preserved and hanging on the wall like a trophy.


End file.
